i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
