It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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