I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
