my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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