Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
