Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize