My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
