idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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