Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
