i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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