she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize