dude i'm inner monologue high
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
