Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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