Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
