Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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