is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
