So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
