I'm laying in your front yard are you home
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
