ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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