i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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