So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
