I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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