that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
