tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
