Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
