Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
