Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
