I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
is it fun? or sober?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
