I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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