he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize