i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
