When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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