i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
