I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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