I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
