You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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