he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
P.S. I can't hear my feet
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
