Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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