Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
