noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
