I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
