Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
