you have to choose: penises or morals?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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