How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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