Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
