They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
