this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
