so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
