oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
