his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
