I hate all girls vehemently.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
