I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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