Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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