I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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