Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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