I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
