My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
