You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
