I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
