Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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