I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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