my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
