I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Naked Twister starts at high noon
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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