She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I pour the whiskey from now on
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
