so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
