Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
