dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you had me at cake vodka
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
