The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
