thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
