I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
