He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
