I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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